The Observer: The Loneliness and the Beauty
0000 Orbiter UTC
A beep followed by a voice breaks the silence.
- A new day is here, operator. Wake up and perform morning maintenance.
The observer’s eyes open. In less than 10 seconds, the feet are already on the floor.
- ASI, start preparing the first meal.
- What would you like to eat?
- Omelettes
- We are out of egg powder. I suggest pancakes
- Fine, let’s go with pancakes
- Preparing pancakes now
The observer stands up, gets closer to the metal window and pushes the button with the arrow pointing up. The metal shutter quickly goes up, making almost no noise. Behind the thick glass, the vastity of the solar system. Earth at the center. Waves of nostalgia in sync with the heartbeat.
- These feelings…
Every day the thoughts were the same. Hundreds of thousands of kilometers away from home, only to see the bigger picture. Was it worth it? The observer only knew it needed to be done. It was a necessity more than a desire. It was the only way to stop that ape brain from self-destruction. It was the only way to deal with that endless emptiness.
- …ASI, let me cook the pancakes myself.
The observer enters the bathroom and gets in the shower. Even there, a small window lets you lose yourself between the stars. The engineers had discussed for hours to decide what to show to humans in space. Do we want them to be reminded they’re traveling in the middle of nothing? Should we show them pictures of a suburban neighborhood? Trees? Animals. Ironically, the observer had requested the stars. There was no home anymore and there was no need to pretend things were different.
0030 Orbiter UTC
The observer put the solidified pancake mix in the hydrator and waited for the magic to happen. Then the memories come back. Memories of empty mornings that always felt the same. A frying pan. Some butter. A couple of eggs. Looking outside, at the nothingness of a life on Earth that felt like going nowhere. Was it though? It doesn’t matter now. Where do you go where family and friends are not enough anymore? What do you do to find purpose? The observer just wanted to go as far away as possible. The only way to get perspective.
- ASI, I’m done. Take care of the dishes.
That emptiness was gone. The lack of purpose was gone. Looking back, the amount of isolation hadn’t really changed, not at least since the 3 months passed from the departure. There had been several 90-days of no human contact before. The fact that this time it was a forced isolation didn’t really matter. The objective was clear. The purpose was noble. Go out there, among the stars, to learn more about those unusual signals in the universe. The observer was celebrated from the moment the application was sent. By the time of the first step on the spaceship, that thrill was gone. The prevalent feeling was anxiety, but not because of the danger of the mission. The observer feared people would eventually find out the hero they were celebrating wasn’t more than a fraud.
0100 Orbiter UTC
- Operator, please take a seat and control the log
How could they not see the real reason for the enrollment? How could they fail to see that mix of hunger and emptiness that led to the mission? People don’t notice, that’s the truth. There was no incredible gesture, no savior complex. It was a way to survive. It was the only not to succumb to anxiety. These feelings…
- Did you capture any interesting signal while I was asleep?
- No, unfortunately. We had some spikes at 21:00, but they all seem to be within our margin of error. I have saved the pattern but there is no match with any previous data
- What should I check on the log, then?
- There was a lack of any kind of signal before. Between 00:45 and 00:50, both the magnets, the internal and external antennas and the orbital radio recorded nothing. It’s like we were frozen in time for around 3 minutes.
- Was there any maintenance happening?
- No, not that I am aware of. I have already cycled through the systems and nothing seem to have activated maintenance
- Did the central unit receive any updates from base?
- I checked with the ATI at base and no update was sent from there. I also double checked all firmware and software versions, and they were all the same before and after the event. I need you to check the data manually
- Should I be worried?
- No. Everything seems to be working properly now. It should not make our trip more dangerous since it hasn’t affected our navigation system, but a critical failure like that one could force us to abort the mission and go back to base.
- …I’m on it
0300 Orbiter UTC
- ASI, I have analyzed the entire log since yesterday 1800. Nothing seems to be out of order. Notify me if anything else needs my attention.
- Ok, operator. I don’t have any other requests. Let me know if I can help you in any way.
- Thank you.. ASI?
- Yes, operator?
- Why do we humans have negative feelings?
- I am not qualified to answer this question in the best possible way. Would you like to hear what I have found in the registries?
- Sure
- Negative feelings have helped humans survive and thrive in the past. Fear keeps us away from predators, anxiety makes us wary of threats. Imagine how bad would be for a parent not to be worried about their baby’s health. Some people believe many negative feelings humans experience today are nothing more than an evolutionary mismatch, but it’s contentious.
- So, these feelings? Are they good?
- From a certain point of view, you could say that. These feelings are good.
6 months earlier, on a Sunday afternoon, the Observer had heard the same words. It’s hard to rationalize the cure is working when it’s burning inside of you. But that pain isn’t a sign of failure.
- You have to look at the bigger picture. These feelings brought you were you are, and you are in a good place. These feelings are good.
The observer thought about it and couldn’t help but agreeing with those words. Far from home, speeding through space on a mission that at best could be useless, to find out whether there was more to some unusual signals hundreds of thousands of kilometers away. But what a view, the immensity of the universe was. What a honor, to be in the highest places of them all. Looking at the result, from that point of view, at that specific time, the observer had to agree.
- You’re right, ASI, these feelings are good.