Where Beauty Really Lies
I remember being young and having fights with people about music and art in general. In my mind, it was a big fight between the people like me, who liked what I liked, and the other, pretentious pricks, who liked what they liked instead of what I liked. It was a tribal worldview, a zero-sum game where things are good or bad, with a battleground in between. I had a girlfriend in 2005/2006, with different tastes than mine, who would constantly suggest me bands that I would barely listen to before, and I’ll put this politely, criticizing them.
15 years later I find myself liking and listening to a few of those bands way more often than the bands I listened to when I was in my early 20s. I still like what I liked at the time, it’s just that I like other stuff as well. What has changed? Have I changed? Yes, absolutely. I’ve grown up and left that stupid mindset behind. I realized I don’t have a tribe, I don’t have enemies. Every little thing I cannot appreciate is my loss. That’s very virtuous, give me a round of applause for learning that a specific taste can be acquired.
I wish it was that simple though. I remember the feelings that I had when someone came to me and talked about new wave/goth wave, emo rock, grunge. I wouldn’t always tell them how stupid they were because they couldn’t understand the “difficult” music that I liked. “Yeah, yeah, The Cure, sure, but how about Rush? Ever heard of King Crimson? THOSE people can play!”. Now I’m amazed at how beautiful Disintegration is, as an album. And I’ve spent the last 10 years digging into Soundgarden, Stone Temple Pilots, Alice in Chains, The Smashing Pumpkins. To a certain extent, I wish I hadn’t, because the death of Scott Weiland and Chris Cornell hurt me in a way that I couldn’t believe possible. Oh, and let’s not forget Nirvana, the band I hated because my first big crush ever loved Kurt Cobain and 14 year old me couldn’t compete. Turns out they were actually pretty amazing and their stupid, easy song are much, much more complex and impactful than others in which amazing players get dangerously close to set their instrument on fire by how fast they rub their fingers against them. And I love fast, complex playing.
It was always about the people some bands or music reminded me to. I was able to appreciate different stuff as long as there was no “conflict”, be it being introduced to that band by someone whose musical taste I didn’t respect enough to consider part of my artistic tribe. It said a lot about my personality at the time. But there also was the constant need of putting label on things and sort them into boxes. And, oh boy, were there a lot of boxes out there at the time.
I remember when I started spending time on the internet, talking to people online, and realizing that outside of my community there was a world of open-minded people who didn’t live to insult the others who listened to the wrong music. As a matter of fact, there were tons of people listening to both stuff I liked and stuff I didn’t like, without thinking too much about it. They were having fun, they liked what they liked. I remember thinking “Wouldn’t that be nice if it was the norm out there?”. It was a community problem.
I don’t know exactly when it started. I think it was around the time I started discovering bands and listenign to music a lot, during my teenage years. In school I made a few friends who liked that kind of music, with a couple we started a band together, but it’s after I graduated high school that I really got into the music scene of my hometown. I would spend time in a few places, which was mostly a couple of clubs where. I was really young and the people I would hang out with at the time looked cool to me. In hindsight, they weren’t. It was a bunch of bitter, unhappy children, who took way too much pride in the music they liked, making it their identity. If you didn’t listen to the right kind of music, you weren’t worthy. It was like junior high, but most people were over 20. It’s funny how much I wanted their respect at the time and now when I get a glimpse of them on social media, I just feel a little sad.
Leaving home helped, any way. The same way I realized that my conversation topics were very specific to the plase I was born and raised, so I realized that my approach to stuff like music wasn’t healthy. I had to upset a ton of people to get there and, as fun as it is to be mean and make fun of someone because of their musical tastes, I am also grateful I’m not that person anymore. At least, no all the times.
Anyway, I was going somewhere with this, and that was: I’m happy I’m able to appreciate much more than I used to and, although it’s not always simple to separate the art from everything around it, a couple of days ago I found out about Joe Pass, one of the greatest guitarists of all times and although I enjoyed his solo stuff, I was moved by this 1975 concert with Ella Fitzgerald. I don’t think words are necessary, it’s simply fantastic. 17 year old me wouldn’t be able to appreciate it. So twice as old me is today happy he’s older.
video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2olBE4C5_Gk